Monday, October 12, 2009

Toaster Oven Theology

Toaster Oven Theology

I have long argued that fear is the square root of all emotions. Why do we love? We love for fear of being alone. Why do we fear being alone? We fear being alone for fear of having no meaning. Why do we fear having no meaning? We fear having no meaning so as to avoid human extinction. Biology has hardwired us to strive toward meaning and purpose to keep our species orderly, forward thinking, and allow safety for procreation. Theology is not the end but the vehicle. Theology is a component or derivative of evolutionary biology used to inject hope, goodwill, and purpose into our lives and create an environment for growth and further evolutionary exploits. This is evidenced by the anthropomorphic characteristics intrinsic to every human religion and the overwhelming popularity of said religions. Our superhuman comics are undoubtedly analogous with the fantastic tales of religion and in today’s 24/7 cartoon network world it is quite appealing. Churches now exist with virtual fast-food drive through windows, five minute power prayers, and the Bible study in only two minutes a day! God is now condensed into pop-cultures “quickie” wake and it appears God doesn’t mind. From holy temples to daily calendar quotations and shopping mall convenience, it appears the God brand has cheapened. It is no longer the Lexus brand but the dollar store equivalent. This is true because God is shares of equity; Bought and sold and subject to supply and demand. To remain competitive the product must evolve and capture the consumers’ attention.

The airways are filled with empty promises on how to seek higher levels of consciousness, be granted access to heavens or hells for the fortunate and unfortunate, educate one’s self on purpose, meaning, life, death, etc. In regards to intellectual nourishment, this is a Pop Tart. It’s sweet, appealing, quick to eat, and provides nothing for a better self. With all these promises the outcomes would seem to be disappointing, but the opposite is true. How can this be? The synergy of this marketing plan is fantastic. It erects walls where mirrors once hung; it erases drive for gluttony and imposes false order in a chaotic world. To those authors of said plan, I am in awe at the strategy, implementation, and subsequent profits. For those who thought capitalism an economic instrument are suddenly dumbfounded it was a ploy for theological monopoly which in itself is not the end objective. Please know there is no God in the business of God. The shareholders of this corporation seek power, prestige and profits more than servitude to an omnipotent being. The fact that these profit seekers refer to themselves as servants is at the core the greatest example of irony ever recorded in literature. Economics, politics, and power are intertwined in the collective intellects of the pious. They beg for it. They thirst for a drink of that “God-like” serum to bless themselves not with higher thinking or moral supremacy but for a network or cooperative of profit racketeering.

If God is sacred than it would suggest he would be immune to these cultural trends, immune from human superficiality, and sought only in full context by his followers. Like a piece of history dug up from the ground, it would be recognized for what it is throughout time; Sought after for its antiquity. This would suggest humankind was made in God’s image; however, the opposite appears true. God was made in the image of humankind. He will be held sacred when man wishes to elevate theological conquests and “dumbed” down when man does not have the time or luxury to pursue his teaching in full context. For sacred things retain value, retain definition, and retain meaning throughout time. They do not change or evolve to become more convenient. They do not lower their premiums to attract new membership. Sacredness is priceless. Unfortunately, religion is not sacred and God is only illusionary. He is a product bought and sold for the price listed on the exchange. The Marketers of God understand its product is in the maturity stage identified in the product life cycle. Marketers must look at new ways to reinvent the product to attract or maintain consumers. At this stage competition is fierce and decline is inevitable. Until such time when religions’ profits erodes and membership drift downwards, I’m excited to learn of the new CRM techniques God will undoubtedly implement and what the new face of theology will reveal. Where will the brand go from here?

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